i need an iv and a liver transplant
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Randomize
