My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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