remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
