well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
