hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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