Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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