two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
