I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
