he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
