I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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