i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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