I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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