I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
