I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
