ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
