i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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