Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
