i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
