know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
