ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
