Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
