I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Randomize
