Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Randomize
