____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
My vagina just clenched in fear
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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