Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize