hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
