All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
