We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
