In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
