Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Randomize
