I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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