I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
