Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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