my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
