You're completely useless in the revolution.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Randomize
