As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
