hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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