i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
