mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
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