Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
So gin and wine won't be happening again
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I need to calm my uterus...
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
