I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
