Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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