Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
