Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
