omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Randomize
