nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I think i got beer on your cat.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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