Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
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