girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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