I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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