I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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