i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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