So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
