32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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