and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
