Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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