his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Randomize
