He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
