I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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