Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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