Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
