Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
