she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
