just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
