He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
