That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
