Already got asked if we're dating
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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