I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
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