Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
