you traded sex for a burrito?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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