i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Randomize
