normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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