Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
we made out on top of his cat.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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