I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
