possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
