I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
