It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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