If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
