i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
