I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
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