I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
