Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
50% drunk capacity currently
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
