Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
