Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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