I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
