As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
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