After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
