So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Randomize
