I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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