i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
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