the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
