We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I just blew my weed a kiss
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
