i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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