we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
