SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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