Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
