In America we eat man semen.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
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