Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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