i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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