Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
