Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
