Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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