you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
