all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
