I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
What a dumb baby whore.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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