Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
